Aurelia

Wellz! Another day passed! 2007 is coming to an end.. But will my worries and matters ends too??? I really hope so… It has really been a hard time to go through when u dun noe wad others were thinking… Especially wad r the person who u’ve hurt are when u dun even know whether have they forgive u or not after u’ve apologize a lot of time.. U know its like there’s a scar there??? U’ll always remember wad happened though when u think that wad would it be when everything’s over.. When she has forgived u…

Will everything be like before?? Will she still trust me? Wad should i do when i meet her? Should i jz pretend like nth happened at all and be the crazy me in front of every one??? Or should i jz keep quiet??? SOmetimes, i really wished that i could be like uncle Tom Tom… That clumsy clown who can makes everyone happy… But then, the one who suffers will be me if so.. Cos i have to act happy though im sad, have to force myself to smile when i can’t! But still, when i think back, i rather make ppl happy then sad… I will feel a lot better liddat… Yes i will! And i know how happy i will after i’ve let go of the past few months sadness and become that crazy and happy me in front of everyone..

Even Deb say that i’m getting happier and crazier then before and she likes it… She’s happy to see me so… How long would i take this time to be happy again?? I think being hurt by some one is nothing then hurting those u care for… I try my very best to forget abt all the sad things when i’m with my family.. Tried my best to be happy and crazy.. though mum scold me also i jz laugh at her(guess she thinks i’m crazy) But all this makes her smiled and i finally knows that its better to do so then fighting against her word…

But how come sometimes i cant do so??? Sometimes its jz like automatically i’m arguing with her and end up both of us were not happy… Yea! Y not I swallow all of the anger instead when this helps ppl to be happy when they are angry? But sometimes i think that this doesn’t work when I try to and end up things get worst cos that person thinks that u purposely did so???? Like wad today a fren of mine told me, she hate being betrayed.. Yes! All of us hate it! Don’t tell me that u dun? When i mean that i hate it, it means that the more i would not do it!!! Dare to believe me????? Issit that hard to believe???? Or was it that i’m jz being too naive??? I’ve trusted ppl very easily all this while…

Being too frenly? I dun think its that… But really its too easy till i dun even realized it till i’m in trouble… And i learn my lesson… Like wad Chinese ppl always say kin dou kuai zong em pa hak?(see ghost still not afraid of dark?) Of course i am afraid… But wad’s over is over! All that we have to do now is that look to the future! Go on with wad we have now! Dun give up on ur surrounding and always remember that true frens stay with us no matter wad! And they are the ones that we can ONLY trust! Forget abt the past when u can already! Like me now~ I really tried more then hard to let go abt the past and now, yea, i’m free frm it.. And i feel lighter and happier with my life.. Why need to care when they dun even care???? Time still moving though u’re sad or happy… Sad also one day past, happy also one day past… So why not happy happy always when u can??? Trust me, u really will feel better… But dun force urself too much when u think that u can’t! Cry when u want to.. U’ll feel better after u cry all the sadness out… Be happy when u can! And be who u r when everything’s over! Take care all my dear frens! Love u all lots! *hugs*

P/s: Sometimes i just don’t know wad am i writing abt… Hmm… Cos things always get mix up in life >.<

Hmmm… Have u ever feel that when u wanted to do smth to help ur frens or ur family member, but infact when u think that they will be happy with wad u’ve done for them, they dislike it and even scolded u or maybe say u or smth??? Have u ever had this feeling before??? Well, This isn’t the 1st time i’m feeling so… I really dunnoe how many times dy… Issit really that hard to become a good person or maybe a peace-maker?? I’ve always been asking this question to myself… When ever i wanted to help a fren or maybe my brother or my mum, sometimes they dislike it… I know that i din mean to make things the other way round or did i? but all this end up all that i received is guilty-ness… Am i guilty? Why should i be when i actually dun mean and din know that things will go this way? I am cos i know that i’ve hurt u guys! Those who i love… I’ve hurt u all!!! I should HAVE LEARNED my LESSON during that incident a few months back! But why did i repeat it again?? Or maybe Did i?? I’m really confused! I jz dun wan ppl to make u unhappy and thats it… Okie guys! I admit that The incident a few months back might be my own selfishness.. Was it really?? But still its over and i’m glad abt it… Wad was i thinking??? I really dunnoe! Did i help at the wrong time? Timing not chun??? Or was it actually Dun need any help at all and i’m jz being busy body??? Well, I’m really sorry if wad i’ve done hurt u guys that much! I really dont mean it… Not at all! U shud know wad type of person i am… Please forgive my mistakes! I really feel guilty after wad i’ve done when ppl dislike it… I really learned the word NO one is PERFECT! Not that hard to take this words isn’t it??? Sometimes its really hard to care abt ppl’s feeling. Its like u’re being too good… But i’m happy when i see that u guys are! And pls know how bad i feel when i know u guys were not happy and i feel more then BAD when its me who have make u guys sad!

p/S: THis entry is to apologize to those i’ve hurt before! I really can swear to God and i’m very sure that i never mean to hurt u guys! Why would i when I call u my frens??

I treasure my frens! Especially those who i treat like a sister! There’re lots of u! And i care for every single one of u! I’m not perfect! So were others! Jz hope u all understand! Take care for now!